Grief, LANDSCAPES OF LIFE, Retirement, Seasons of Life, SOCIAL JUSTICE, SPIRITUAL AND EMOTIONAL WOUNDING, TRANSFORMATION, Transitions, TRIALS AND TRIBULATIONS, Widowhood

FIVE WAYS TO FIND EMOTIONAL PEACE AFTER TRAUMA

faceless barefoot female traveler on embankment against sea
Inner healing pathway
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Recognize the Symptoms

When we experience a sore throat or fever, we are reasonably sure we are getting a cold or the flu and take measures to help ourselves get over it. But quite often, we don’t feel quite right within ourselves. Perhaps we feel anxious or uneasy at certain times or with certain people, or our stomach knots up at certain places. We have low-grade depression and just find life hard at times. These can all be symptoms of PTSD or systemic abuse. Part of healing is recognizing that something is just not quite right. Having established that you could be living a much happier and healthier life than you currently are, is the first step in getting help. Your commitment to yourself to get help or find new coping strategies and strategies for overcoming disabling thoughts and behavior are the motivation you need. Let us look at a few ways in which we can recognize unhealthy symptoms.

woman sitting on wooden planks
Depression, Inner Healing Pathway
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Mental: Stinking Thinking?

So much takes place in our thinking brain. What are our obsessive thoughts? Do our thoughts and our beliefs align? What are our thoughts about ourselves? Do we beat ourselves up all the time?  What are our thoughts about others, families, friends, teachers, etc.? If these are on a constant negative spectrum and churn and return both waking or sleeping. We are constantly thinking about rights and wrongs and get confused with what we were taught and how our reality matches up. Do you have thoughts of self-harm? Make an inventory of your thoughts over several days or a week, write them down without judging them, they just are, and you are now aware of how much time you spend with them.

bunch of white oval medication tablets and white medication capsules
Physical, chronic illness
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Physical: Chronic Illnesses?

Physical symptoms are easier to experience but not necessarily to diagnose as sometimes they may have started out as psychosomatic but have taken on reality in your body. Be aware that stress and trauma are retained in the body’s cells as a memory imprint. Do you get stomach aches in certain situations? Did that end up as IBS or chronic inflammation of the bowl? There are many forms that this can take, backaches, migraines, arthritis, etc. After having a thorough physical at your doctor to rule out any disease or illness. Learn to read your body signs when you are feeling stressed or your muscles tighten. Does your heart race, do you get hot, does your stomach contract? When does this happen? Make an inventory over a month, scan your body each day, what symptoms you feel and when.

a man angry in a workplace
Emotional , incontrollable outbursts
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Emotional: Uncontrollable Outbursts?

We may often feel angry or upset over something that should not really affect us to the degree it does. When do we feel triggered? Are there words that people use that make us feel bad? Or perhaps we will see or smell something that brings back bad feelings. Do we feel guilty over nothing or uncomfortable when certain subjects are talked about? Do you struggle with addictions to make you feel better? Or perhaps places we walk past or through that make us feel uneasy. Take an inventory of these places or incidents and any feelings or thoughts you have about them.

ancient arch architecture art
Empty Church arches, dead
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Spiritual: Disillusioned with God?

Do you have a belief system in some Higher Power? Do you believe there is help from someone greater who will guide you by their wisdom? Have you lost your faith? Does the thought of religion turn you off, or do you long for connection with God? Have you been hurt or disillusioned by church and religion or don’t believe that God loves you? Where do you seek spiritual solace? Journal your feelings around spirit, faith, church, God.

smiling woman stroking welsh corgi pembroke
Finding happiness with a pet
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Having taken an honest inventory of your dis-ease, you will now have a lot of information to help you identify the symptoms of perhaps a traumatic experience that has affected you most of your life. You will also have places to start looking for healing. We are wonderfully complex creatures made in God’s image, created for a purpose. We are His masterpieces, yet sometimes the mud that sticks to us is hard to remove, marring that image and holding us back from our full potential. According to your situation (we are all different), look for professional help in the area you felt the most in need, a psychologist, medical professional, or spiritual director. Once you have turned the key in the door that unlocks the secrets to your anxiety, unease, and mental health, you will have begun the journey to healing yourself. This may take several years, so have patience with yourself and those who would help you. For those who feel they can help themselves, there are many excellent books and resources available. There are also support groups to help you both on and off-line. Find one that you can gel with and be comfortable sharing your journey. A few resources are mentioned in my previous blog.

Divorce, Grief, Transitions, Widowhood

ABANDONMENT, REJECTION OR MOVING ON- We Still Need Relationships

When we move through a transition in our lives, it is often because people in our lives have either rejected us or have died or have moved on themselves, sometimes it is because we have moved on ourselves or moved to a new destination so we leave people behind or outgrow them.  Some relationships are meant to be transitory, for a season and others to be of a more permanent nature, such as marriage, or kinship.

We were created to be in relationships, when God created man, He said it is not good for man to be alone, I will make a helper for him. When we lose a primary relationship through divorce or death, it can bring on intense feelings of loneliness, abandonment or rejection. This week I will discuss rejection and loneliness and the following week what we can do about it.

When you go through a divorce the feelings of rejection are intense especially if there is a third party involved.  You may beat yourself up, why was I not good enough? What does he see in her? The questions will mull around endlessly with no answers. Rejection affects the way we think and feel about ourselves and can spiral out of control into a depression. We may try to cling on to every bit of hope to try and get our ex-spouse back, layering even more rejection on at each rebuff, adding fuel to the fire already out of control and making us feel we want to take revenge. These are all negative and will not bring us peace of mind or joy, neither will they help us heal and learn new lessons becoming the person we were created to be.  Quite often, a divorce is part of a refining process, where you will be put through the fire and how you handle it will prove your character, whether it will consume and destroy you or bring out the beautiful qualities that are within you.

Widowhood can also bring on feelings of rejection or abandonment if the cause of death was self-inflicted, the same questions of, ‘was I not enough for him to hold onto life’ may haunt you. I had a fiancée who committed suicide and it was hard not to think that I was not enough for him to hold onto life and sort out his problems. I later came to realize that some depressions are a physical disease and just like cancer cannot be cured, resulting in the same end -death.

Moving destinations can also cause you to lose people in your life. People who you were once really close to, when you moved away no longer keep in touch, or maybe it was you who broke the communication by not responding to them. Either way some form of abandonment will be felt, especially when you thought they were a lifelong friend. It is good to view these as transitory friends and mourn their loss, although sometime later in your life you may pick up those strands of friendship again. After the Rhodesian diaspora many of my friends scattered over the globe as did I, as we moved around from address to address, we lost touch as there was no internet, only snail mail!  Today with social media, I have picked up ties with many of them again, being able to share our common history and struggles in our new environments, their friendship is richer and even more valuable now.

Loneliness is the result of this alienation, rejection or moving on.  This can be really hard to deal with especially if you have always had people around you that knew you and you could talk to. When loneliness takes over you are vulnerable to depression, self-harm or addictions and may start to live like a hermit without the confidence to move out and move on and find new people to relate to.

The first step of moving forward out of this vortex of depression and self-sabotage is accepting that this has happened, it is something that nothing you can do will change it. This is the start of taking your power back and getting out of victim mode. The second step is believing in yourself again, a beautiful person created in the image of God, someone who was born for a purpose and finding that person and purpose in life again, connecting with  God and asking for His help to bring you into alignment with His plans for your life. Thirdly is doing the hard work and changing your belief systems to empower you to make the changes you need to move into the next chapter in your life.  Next week’s blog will address some of those changes, so be sure to check in again next week………..