Category: Grief

Divorce, Grief, Seasons of Life, Transitions, Travel, Widowhood

Temporary Beauty

Deryn

TEMPORARY BEAUTY

For all the beauty that we see in flowers, they are seasonal and temporal. You would be hard put to find tulips in fall! Lambing time is in Spring and so is the singing of birds and flowers blooming on hillsides and gardens. Soon the temperature changes and in the heat of summer the flowers wither and die. Lambs have grown up and are sent to market and birds look out for their food – the seasons have changed again!

Jesus said “Look at the lilies! They don’t toil and spin, and yet Solomon in all his glory was not robed as well as they are”, he was saying that beauty fades it is here today and gone tomorrow, we should not be concerned about the fleeting things of life because they are only part of a greater cycle of things that is eternal and God has provided for us in that.

Quite often after we have been through a loss, be it divorce, widowhood or other, we find ourselves struggling to make ends meet to survive. We take on extra work to pay the bills or we adapt to living with less. These are our temporal needs and in the Sermon on the Mount Jesus was teaching us not to worry about our everyday lives. Life is more than the temporal, he pointed back to nature, the birds and the wildflowers. Birds are fed by God’s hand they just have to look for food, whether it is seeds, insects or small creatures, their provision is there, they just have to find it.  That of course is the more difficult part!  We know God has promised to provide for our needs, so we need to look in the right places!  Seed eating birds will look in the fields of grain, fruit eaters will look for fruit trees, and eagles will search for small creatures. Knowing your gifting and talents, how God has wired you, will help you to look in the right places for your provision.

Wildflowers are so beautiful, and yet they last for such a short time, but without them we would certainly live in a very dull world, the joy that enters our soul when we see flowers en masse is our spiritual food and nourishment.  A reminder of God’s provision. When I was living in England, I had friends who introduced me to the Charity Shops, these were a treasure trove of cast-off clothing, jewelry and household items. As I had got rid of so many of my belongings in Cape Town before my move to the UK I was able to replace them by shopping at these places for a fraction of what the items would cost new. When I left the UK, I could again return my cast-offs back to these shops to be recycled once again. The proceeds the Charity Shops made were then given to their particular charity to help people who were not in a position to help themselves. I see this as a metaphor for what Jesus was teaching, we only use temporal things for a season or so and are provided for in that season.

We should not worry about these things because God loves us, he values us more than the birds or the flowers and said He will provide for us, we just need to have some faith in His goodness. If we seek the Kingdom of God first, we will be given everything we need, so we do not have to worry about tomorrow, only looking for our provision for this day.

I know this is really hard to take into our hearts when we are struggling and wonder when it will ever end, yet I can honestly say there has never been a day I did not have a roof over my head, food in my mouth or clothes on my back. Being grateful for the small things, seeing them as provision and thanking God for them, opens your heart and mind to receive more of His provision, and knowing it is just for a season, it is as temporary as the flowers helps keep your perspective.

Copyright Deryn van der Tang 2019

Desert cacti
Divorce, Grief, Seasons of Life, Transitions, Travel, TRIALS AND TRIBULATIONS, Widowhood

BLOOMING IN THE DESERT

Deryn

BLOOMING IN THE DESERT  

I have travelled to many places all over the globe, and in each of those places I have found beauty.  I see beauty  mainly in nature in the amazing variety of indigenous flora. I have seen beautiful lace plants in Finland at dawn when the early morning sun turned every drop of dew into a diamond. I have seen acres of lupines alongside the roads.  During my stay in England, I never ceased to wonder at the amazing variety of bulbs that appeared in spring. I went to the Keukenhof Gardens in the Netherlands to see the fields of tulips (my favorite flower, my late husband always gave me the first tulip of the season!) Australia has its variety of flowers that in many ways are similar to those I grew up with in Rhodesia, the beautiful purple jacaranda trees lining the avenues throwing down their purple carpet.  Flamboyant and tulip trees with their red carpets of fallen petals beneath them.  In South Africa in the Western Cape, the fynbos has a special kind of flora indigenous to that region, and Namaqualand daisies that only flower once a year after rain has fallen in the desert.

What is the difference between thriving and surviving? Indigenous plants flourish and thrive because they are in their home environment and have adapted to the conditions, so they grow strong and healthy. Desert plants do not thrive in wet conditions and visa-versa. After I had been divorced, I felt uprooted, I left my country of birth, I was transplanted into a new environment when I moved to Johannesburg and Cape Town.  In these right conditions I started to thrive, I found new friends who uplifted me, a church that supported me in my journey into wholeness and work that I loved. Because I thrived and grew in my new environment it helped my children to as well.  There were difficult times as well, but we lived through the storms, because we were in the right environment.  After my husband died, I transferred to the UK to start my life again.  This time around was a lot harder as the environment was more difficult to adapt to.  The weather for a start!  Eventually I established myself in my new environment, but I am not sure whether I was merely surviving, I would not classify my existence as joyfully thriving though! After a time of rest and renewal since retiring and moving to the USA I found I was thriving again.  I had found my right environment, a church that practices a creative ministry where I can use my gifts, family around me and friends young and old whose company I enjoy.

Sometimes we may just be in an environment that is not conducive to thriving after we have been divorced or lost a loved one.  Our inspiration and will to live is battered by these storms.  Do you wait out the storm and bloom in the desert like the Namaqualand daisies? or do you transplant to a better environment where you can thrive?  Those are questions you will need to answer for yourself. The prophet Isaiah has some words to encourage us “Even the wilderness and desert will rejoice in those days; the desert will blossom with flowers”. And again “Yes, there will be an abundance of flowers and singing and joy! The deserts will become as green as the Lebanon mountains, as lovely as Mount Carmel’s pastures and Sharon’s meadows; for the Lord will display his glory there, the excellency of our God.”  Ask God where He wants you to bloom, be it the desert, mountains or meadows. Wherever it is He will display His glory through you.

Copyright Deryn van der Tang 2019

Divorce, Grief, Seasons of Life, TRIALS AND TRIBULATIONS, Widowhood

FLOWERS ARE A BLESSING ON YOUR HEAD

Deryn
“Blessings reaching to the utmost bounds of the everlasting hills”

I don’t know about you, but my favorite time of the year is when the flower growing season is at its height.  The diversity of plants and flowers has fascinated me since I was a child as we eagerly looked for flame lilies (our national flower) and ground orchids in the veld, around Christmas time, and we would fill a big copper bowl with our findings!  I was looking for a verse that would describe the joy I felt in flowers, and I came across this verse in Genesis “blessings of the grain and flowers, blessings reaching to the utmost bounds of the everlasting hills. These shall be the blessings upon the head of Joseph who was exiled from his brothers.”  O wow!  That really spoke to me about God’s provision of blessing in flowers when we are feel low.  Have you ever looked across the hillsides when the hills are alive with yellow and purple flowers? Absolute glory!

Joseph had been sold off into slavery by his brothers as a young boy.  He must have felt so alone, and yet here God said the flowers will be a blessing on his head!  After I had been divorced and felt rejected, feeling like a slave with the hard grind of making ends meet after living in a beautiful home with gardens.  I was living in a small upstairs apartment with no garden at the time but was able to turn this around when I could walk around the local parks filled with beautiful rose gardens and enjoy them as if they were mine. The huge benefit of this was I did not have to be responsible to watering them, pruning or feeding them. I could just enjoy them!  This is surely what God meant about the blessing of the flowers, they are just there to be enjoyed.

When I was widowed, people kindly sent me flowers. The flowers at my late husband’s funeral were a beautiful symbol of his life and the colors of his Dutch background with huge orange day lilies. Flowers have a language of their own and the type and color can be symbols for feelings.  Red roses for love, white for a wedding, white lilies for death.  Nations have their own national flower; it is like a banner that rallies you. When you experience grief through the loss of a significant person in your life, flowers help to comfort and cheer you through the dark days. Elton John rewrote the words of” Candle in the Wind” to sing at Princess Diana’s funeral, he said ‘Goodbye England’s rose”, what a comfort that was to the English people as they mourned her loss.

As an artist, I have painted or photographed many a flower and they are still one of my favorite subjects. Flowers are used as decoration in so many places, they are architectural features on buildings and play a part in rituals and ceremonies.   The lampstands and decorations for the Israelites Tabernacle and Temple had almond flowers, rosebuds and open flowers and palm tree carved into the cedar panels, these were often covered in gold leaf. Some of the most beautiful classical gardens are drawn with small green hedges or borders and different colored flower panels in the spaces.  Cities sometimes use flowers to decorate a garden crest motif at the entrance of the city.

When you are going through times of grief and tears, when you are feeling shunned and sent away.  When you are feeling alone, go and find a garden, look at the flowers, enjoy them and meditate on them, remember God gave us flowers as a blessing. There is an old hymn about Jesus walking and talking in the garden while the dew was still on the roses. Look at those flowers and see if you can meet with Jesus and talk out your grief with him.         

Divorce, Grief, Retirement, Seasons of Life, Transitions, TRIALS AND TRIBULATIONS, Widowhood

YOU WILL NOT BE BURNED

Deryn

2019-03-02 09.44.52For the past three weeks I have spoken about wind, how it disperses seed to grow, lifts us above our circumstances and give us energy to move forward.  Today I want to focus on fire which is also a necessary element to growth.  

There is a beautiful flower in Cape Town, in fact the national flower of South Africa, the Protea. This plant amongst other ‘fynbos’ plants requires fire before the seeds can germinate.  Fynbos needs to burn at least every decade to keep regenerating the species and the local ecosystem. Dormant seeds which may have been buried under the soil for a few years are triggered by the heat of the fire to stimulate growth. The fire burns out all the old undergrowth and seeds that have been carried away or buried by rodents, birds, ants and insects lie waiting and when the rain comes continue with the growth process. Depending on the heat of the fire, some may only be triggered to germinate after waiting fifty years! Fire can occur naturally with a lightning strike, accidentally with sun rays through a broken glass shard or deliberately with arson. Fires are unpredictable and so it is with the germination of different seeds after each fire and its intensity and how soon the rain falls after the fire! This is such a marvelous example of what is was like at Pentecost when the Holy Spirit arrived with wind and fire to empower the disciples after Jesus’ ascension into heaven and His continued work in the world today. They did not know what would happen next! Neither do we – growth happens in unexpected ways, in fits and starts.

Sometimes when we are going through a time of intense grief and struggle, trials and tribulations, God is using the same process that the protea requires. Perhaps there are a lot of old ideas and beliefs that hinder us and need to be burnt out.  Perhaps our ‘shell’ is so hard it takes the extreme heat of the trials to trigger growth for us.  Perhaps it is the timing – it is also unpredictable.  How often we want the predictable and understandable, our routines and comfort zones.  It may then take an extremely hot fire to move us to growth. We need to learn to let go of the predictable when we go through these life transitions and rather hold on with faith, that at the right time and conditions we will grow and flourish and maybe even bloom in the desert.

Fire in the Bible had a very special symbolism. God said, ‘When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not consume you.’ God stood with Shadrach, Mesheck and Abednego in the fiery furnace and they were not burned. So, Moses was given his commission at the burning bush; Isaiah was given his when the seraphim placed a burning coal on his lips and sent him on his mission. Fire is used to refine gold and silver to burn off the dross, it symbolizes holiness, intersession and worship and incense on the altar as our prayers ascend to God.

If we were to look at our current trials through the lens of God’s growth and refining process, it enables us to use the energy of the heat to spurt on new growth and momentum in moving forward.  We may not know what happens next, but if we allow the process to take place, will we indeed bloom like the beautiful King Protea and know that God is still working with us and preparing us for our mission in life.

 

Divorce, Grief, Seasons of Life, Transitions, Travel, Uncategorized, Widowhood

Wind Energy

Deryn

On a recent trip to Pennsylvania, I travelled across the hillsides dotted with wind-turbines, their massive white bases reaching high into the sky and their silver arms slowly circling in massive arcs across the landscape.  I will not go into the pros and cons of this method of harvesting energy as I don’t want to step into a minefield.  The Dutch had used wind as a method of collecting energy for centuries, their picturesque windmill sails capturing the wind to grind their crops, this was far easier than turning the millstones by hand,

On this meditation on wind, I was struck again how God has given us nature to help us, we just need to be channels for His energy to flow.  What is wind? We can’t see it yet we can hear it, feel it and see the effects is has. It is naturally occurring air flowing through the earth’s atmosphere. Jesus mentioned this when he was talking to Nicodemous, a religious leader, telling him how hard it is to explain spiritual things, they are like wind, you don’t know where it comes from or where it is going, yet you are aware of it.

Like a windmill when you are facing difficult situations, you need the courage to face them head on, as a windmill faces into the strongest wind, the sails or blade of the windmill are set to capture the most energy. Quite often it can be anger or fear at a situation that drives the energy to move things forward.  Righteous anger in unjust situations can be a powerful force to motivate you out of lethargy into taking the necessary action to protect yourself or to make courageous choices.

The Holy Spirit was described as a rushing wind. He was sent as a Comforter and Helper, I like to think that as we make ourselves available, open our heart and arms and set our face towards God, the Holy Spirit will give us the power, the energy and the help that we need to move through our problems, giving us the insight and understanding of what we need to do or whether we need to wait.  Sometimes the arms of a windmill stand still, they are just waiting for the wind to blow again to set them in motion. Sometimes we too need to listen until we can hear the movement of the Holy Spirit moving us on again, we may have had to reset our sails to face in another direction to catch the energy.  Being in tune with the flow of energy around us and linking up with others who are also on this journey gives us more power.  Just like the wind farms all link up to the grid and provide energy that can be utilized anywhere the grid can be switched to where industries and people need it.

By linking up with a support group to go with you through your grief process and transition back into singlehood will give you the motivation, support and energy when you need it. This is true for whatever problems you may be faced with, find a group of people who you are able to connect with to get the synergy of working together and getting things done.  I invite you to join my private FaceBook Group for the Hero’s Journey through Grief, Divorce and Loss.  https://www.facebook.com/groups/324574228228420/?ref=bookmarks

Next time the wind blows, or you see the wind turbines give a thought to the positive energy we can tune into by setting our sails into the wind of God’s power through the Holy Spirit.

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